LMFAO! Jokes..

I was going through a website and found these jokes,they are so funny i had to share with you guys.. enjoy!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

BOY : May I hold your hand
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon?

Robbers attack commercial bus, rape 18 female passengers

Eighteen women aboard a commuter luxury bus were reportedly raped in the wee hours of Thursday March 8th, by armed bandits few kilometres from Okene, Kogi State. The victims, comprising single and married women, were among passengers in the ill-fated bus with a Lagos registration number XM753 AKD, operated by a popular transport company (name withheld), which was travelling from Port Harcourt, the Rivers State capital, to Abuja, when the incident occurred at about 2.am.

Missing woman...

Her name is Mrs Jumoke Oyegbola and she's a banker. On Tuesday march 6th around 9pm, while on her way to a friend’s house at River View Estate, Isheri North LSDPC, unknown gunmen blocked her Mitsubishi Montero car, shot indiscriminately into the air to scare people away, then dragged her out of her car.

Her car was later discovered by the roadside less than 200 metres from the scene of the incident, with her belongings still in the car, but no sign of Mrs Oyegbola. Her family haven't heard from her and no persons/group have contacted the family for a ransom, assuming it was kidnap.

More drama as Britain deports 120 Nigerians!!

According to the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports, the British Government has deported no fewer than 120 Nigerians from the U.K. for various immigration offences.

The deportees arrived the Murtala Muhammed International Airport (MMIA), Ikeja in Lagos in the early hours of Friday.

The deportees were airlifted back home aboard a chartered cargo aircraft that landed at the cargo section of the international airport.

A reliable source told newsmen that the deportees were brought home in the early hours, so as not to draw undue attention from the public.

The deportees, comprising mainly young men and women, narrated their unsavoury experiences, saying that they were brought back home unprepared by the British authorities.

Many of them were said to have kept themselves busy, making telephone calls to their friends and relations on how to pick them at the airport.

The source said that the deportees also made frantic efforts to move their luggage which were packed in `Ghana Must Go’ bags from the cargo wing of the airport to the airport's main gate, preparatory to finding their ways out of the airport.

Some of the deportees were said to have expressed reservations over the way and manner they were brought home in a cargo aircraft.

Scores of airport workers stopped by to interact with the deportees, as some of them narrated their ugly experiences and not knowing what exactly to fall back on, now that they had returned to a country they left many years ago.

One of the deportees, a young lady, who declined to give her name said: "I am not interested in discussing why we were brought back home but my problem now is how to get out of this airport without drawing unusual attention.

"I must, however, add that it is not a pleasant experience,’’ she added.

Another deportee, a young man, lamented that they were sent home unprepared and wondered how he would be able to cope. (NAN)

RIP!!! 18 NYSC Members Die In Auto Crash Going To Taraba State.

At least 18 fresh graduates of Imo State University, Southeast Nigeria, have all died in a road accident. They were said to be travelling to Taraba State, Northeast Nigeria when the incident happened. The corps members are said to be for Batch A, NYSC orientation camps.

The corps members are said to be for Batch A, NYSC orientation camps. Apparently, these students who got their call-up letters very late yesterday from IMSU, (in a bid to meet up) chartered a small bus not very conversant with that long, bad road for a night trip in order to meet registration deadline.